Postal

Dear TransWorld Motocross,

Hey, Garth. I just got done reading and skimming the pictures of your awesome magazine and wanted to let you know how sweet your jaw-dropping photos are in the “SCAN” section. You and Donn take some of the best photos the extreme sport of motocross has ever seen. Those pics that Donn took out on the hills of Castillo Ranch are mind boggling! I stared at each photo for like five minutes, glaring at those beautiful mountain ranges. Wow! I just wanted to let you know to keep that magazine loaded with eye-popping photos! And pass the word along to Donn about what a great cover shot that was; what a whip! I hope to be just as great of a photographer as you someday.

Bryon Eschenburg

Via www.transworldmx.com

Garth passed your letter on to me, Bryon, and I’d like to thank you personally for the kind words. See, I could barely operate a camera when Garth and I started up TransWorld Motocross five years ago, but in the years since I have come a long, long way under Garth’s tutelage. Sure, most people assume that the Japanese are born with the ability to take great photos, but these are dirt bikes we’re talking about, not Mickey and Minnie! Still, it’s always nice when someone notices my shots these days, especially since most people automatically assume every nice shot in the mag was snapped by Master Milan…Editor.

BACKGROUND NOISE

Dear TransWorld Motocross,

While reading the Gone Postal section of your April issue, I was puzzled by Mr. Kyle Kachmar’s letter regarding your September poster of Gina. I could not figure out why he was calling the poster a “fake,” and why he was rambling about Gina “crouched over” a KXF250, which he claimed to really be an RM-Z. It made no sense at all until I showed the article to my girlfriend’s hairdresser. He read Mr. Kachmar’s letter and explained that Kyle was talking about the motorcycle in the picture. “Motorcycle in the picture! Wait a minute here… When did a motorcycle get into the picture,” I thought? This prompted me to go through my entire collection of TWMX magazines, and guess what? You marketing geniuses have been sneaking motorcycles into all of those hot girl posters all along! This is taking subliminal marketing to a whole new level! What’s next?

An Astonished Reader,

Martin “Ride it like you stole it!” Katz

Via www.transworldmx.com

You know, every month when it comes time to photograph our new poster, Garth and I scramble to find a bike to include in the shot. Oftentimes, we will have a test bike on hand that is freshly beautified, but other times we will simply borrow a bike from one of the local race teams. Truth of the matter is, though, that we could probably use a clapped-out ’90 Yamaha with red forks and no one would notice. Though racers are usually pretty excited to be featured on the other sides of our free pull-out posters, the sad truth of the matter is that most of them end up eating plenty of drywall. As a reward for your oh-so-witty letter, Martin, we’ve decided to give you a sneak peek at next month’s poster shoot, featuring Miss Phoenix SX Brittney George. If you look closely, you’ll see not only a motorcycle, but a truck back there, too!…Editor.

…YEAH, BUT CAN HE WALK THE WALK?

Dear TransWorld Motocross,

Have you guys seen the April issue of Outside magazine? There’s a paragraph on page 38 in which Robbie Knievel says, “All these kids are out there on dirt bikes jumping 80 feet and doing back flips, but I am jumping over 200 feet. A lot of people can sing longer and louder than Elvis, but who gives a f_*%? My dad and I invented a sport. People come to see me for my charisma. These young guys are all balls no brains. They have nothing to say.” Who the hell does this guy think he is?!? His dad was the man! He is just a follower!

Jim Lyon

Via www.transworldmx.com

Every time I see that overweight clown squeezed into his tight leather suit and looking like a pinched string of sausages at t butcher shop, I can’t help but giggle at the thought of him trying to actually ride a motorcycle. Anyone who rides can tell that Robbie Knievel has no actual motorcycle handling skills. I’m not sure if there was ever a better example of “hold on and gas it,” and I would love to see him actually ride his over-sprung 500 in the dirt. The level of today’s freestyle tricks is so far beyond his grasp and require so much more skill than anything he does on a motorcycle that I am sure he wouldn’t dare show up to a showdown of any sort. Well, he does have that one trick where he goes really fast and does a dead sailor from ramp to ramp… I think it is called “Coattails.” …Editor.

(LUIS – if you have that shot of garth skating, you can run it here)

RACE TESTING

Dear TransWorld Motocross,

I am a local SoCal racer, and I have seen you guys out racing a lot recently at the Vet X events. I think it is cool to actually see you guys competing and testing bikes at more than one track, unlike another magazine I know of who only rides at one place. I think that you guys have the most credible testing methods around, and I can trust what you report about products.

I also like how you guys do your shootouts, with opinions from more than just one rider. I like to see what Garth says about the bikes, since I am over 6′ tall, just like he is, and probably of about equal speed. I haven’t seen him at the track lately, though…what gives? Keep up the great work, and I will be sure to say hello the next time I see your crew.

Rich Allen

San Bernardino, CA

You know what? Every person on our editorial and advertising staff actually rides motocross on a regular basis. Hell, even our art director Luis has been throwing his hat into the ring and racing: pretty impressive when you consider that he had never even ridden a dirt bike when we hired him a few years ago. Luis, it seems, is also pretty good at testing the comfort level of motocross boots, as he was recently seen pushing his bike across the finish line at a Vet X event. Garth, meanwhile, has been out of action for the better part of a year, as he has become the most injury-prone person I know as of late. First, he hurt his shoulder on his skateboard. Next, he cut the tip of his finger off while loading a bike. Another spill and shoulder injury on his skateboard a few weeks later resulted in surgery, which then knocked him out of action for months. Just when he was about to return to action, though, he broke his leg on-you guessed it-that damn skateboard! Hmmm… I wonder if any of the TransWorld Skateboarding staff has been sidelined from motocross injuries lately?…Editor.

BLASPHEMY

Dear TransWorld Motocross,

To Josh Hansen and the other riders who feel the need to use the podium as a pulpit: thank your team, thank your family and thank your sponsors, but please stop the nauseating habit of thanking “The Lord Jesus Christ!” As if he really had anything to do with personally assisting you, but not the poor schlub who cased the triple and broke his femur. It’s tawdry, it’s unprofessional and frankly it’s annoying to those of us who don’t want religion ruining something as pure as racing! It’s also indirectly insulting and offensive to the guy who worships something different than you, and doesn’t want to think of your god throwing down a bitchslappin’ on his god! Leave religion in the motorhome! Knock it off!

Karl Logan

Auburn, NY

While I agree with you in that there is a time and place for everything-and perhaps preaching from the top of a race podium is not it-this is America, and we are entitled to free speech. Hmmm… I haven’t been to a FMX contest lately: I wonder if the Mulisha guys thank the dark side from the podium?…Editor.

AND SPEAKING OF FREE SPEECH…

Dear TransWorld Motocross,

First, I would like to thank your organization for putting together one heck of an online moto mag, as well as your monthly mag. I love them! However, I am no longer able to race due to past injuries, and because a few years ago Jesus Christ transformed my life. I’m preparing for missionary service now. Morality brings me to the topic of my discussion. My mind has changed in regards to how I perceive a woman. I want to look at your website, but I’m forced through the smut and exploitation of women to not do so. Yeah, there was a time when I looked at dirty magazines, movies and other men’s magazines, but I found no satisfaction in them. It was an addiction, and I don’t like to be controlled by anything. I’m free in Christ Jesus now. It’s wonderful! Now, I know the pics aren’t “explicit,” but I simply don’t want the exposure. This forces me to rely on your competitor, a company I have to assume (at this point) doesn’t use the image of a woman to fuel their capitalistic agendas. I can peep their site without sacrificing my conscience. You can judge for yourself whether these pics are good for man and marriage. I was born and raised in California, so I know the scene. I hope you’ll take this serious, even reflecting on your own needs as a man or women. Are these advertisements wholesome for our sport? Is this the image we want to portray as a “family sport?”

Nick Candler, Age 24

Southwest Baptist University Student

Via www.transworldmx.com

This is a can of worms that I refuse to open, and all I will say is that you are entitled to your opinion and your beliefs. Whether other readers do or do not agree with them does not make them as holy or more immoral than you. Enjoy the Secret World of Cam Chain Adjustment features, by the way…Editor.

NMX SUCKS

Dear TransWorld Motocross,

My name is Cory LaNite, and I subscribe to your magazine now since I’ve been locked up in Kern County Jail. I got in a little trouble going too fast on my street bike, and then failed to stop for the officer. So here’s the question… Do you think I should put off trying to sell my bikes (both street and dirt), because a few months ago I got into trouble for riding my CR125 around the block? So really, motorcycles have been getting me into trouble. Well, riding them on the street has. What should I do?

Cory LaNite

Bakersfield, CA

P.S. I love the posters of the girls. They look great on the cell walls!

A couple of years ago, I wrote a column condemning neighborhood motocrossers. Riding your dirt bike on the street does nothing to help the overall image of motocross, as most people already have a negative image of motorcycle riders in general. While I can see the exceptions if you live in the country, riding your motocross bike in a crowded neighborhood-revving your motor up and annoying your neighbors-is a despicable habit. Sounds like you deserve to be where you are, Cory…Editor.

PEN PAL

Dear TransWorld Motocross,

I am currently incarcerated for a crime that I did not commit, and my poor Honda CR500R is just sitting there getting dusty without me. My old lady says that she is gonna sell my bike to help pay for next month’s rent, and I told her that if she does that she might not wanna be around when I get out next April.

That said, I was wondering if you guys could hook me up with that Intern Lisa. She is a hot little tamale and she is just the kind of lady that I need waiting for me when I get out. So what do you say? Think Lisa will go for a guy who loves big bore power, maintains his innocence and can even play the drums? Hook a brother up.

Steve Simeone

Chino, CA

Though you are local and stand a good chance of running into Intern Lisa at the gym, the mall or the local Hot Dog on a Stick, I would say that your chances of getting a date with her are slim to none. Intern Lisa says that she doesn’t date guys who ride two-stroke open bikes because she says that they are likely to be “desensitized,” and that when you get out next April, you should plan on beating more than just your drums…Editor.

er, I am no longer able to race due to past injuries, and because a few years ago Jesus Christ transformed my life. I’m preparing for missionary service now. Morality brings me to the topic of my discussion. My mind has changed in regards to how I perceive a woman. I want to look at your website, but I’m forced through the smut and exploitation of women to not do so. Yeah, there was a time when I looked at dirty magazines, movies and other men’s magazines, but I found no satisfaction in them. It was an addiction, and I don’t like to be controlled by anything. I’m free in Christ Jesus now. It’s wonderful! Now, I know the pics aren’t “explicit,” but I simply don’t want the exposure. This forces me to rely on your competitor, a company I have to assume (at this point) doesn’t use the image of a woman to fuel their capitalistic agendas. I can peep their site without sacrificing my conscience. You can judge for yourself whether these pics are good for man and marriage. I was born and raised in California, so I know the scene. I hope you’ll take this serious, even reflecting on your own needs as a man or women. Are these advertisements wholesome for our sport? Is this the image we want to portray as a “family sport?”

Nick Candler, Age 24

Southwest Baptist University Student

Via www.transworldmx.com

This is a can of worms that I refuse to open, and all I will say is that you are entitled to your opinion and your beliefs. Whether other readers do or do not agree with them does not make them as holy or more immoral than you. Enjoy the Secret World of Cam Chain Adjustment features, by the way…Editor.

NMX SUCKS

Dear TransWorld Motocross,

My name is Cory LaNite, and I subscribe to your magazine now since I’ve been locked up in Kern County Jail. I got in a little trouble going too fast on my street bike, and then failed to stop for the officer. So here’s the question… Do you think I should put off trying to sell my bikes (both street and dirt), because a few months ago I got into trouble for riding my CR125 around the block? So really, motorcycles have been getting me into trouble. Well, riding them on the street has. What should I do?

Cory LaNite

Bakersfield, CA

P.S. I love the posters of the girls. They look great on the cell walls!

A couple of years ago, I wrote a column condemning neighborhood motocrossers. Riding your dirt bike on the street does nothing to help the overall image of motocross, as most people already have a negative image of motorcycle riders in general. While I can see the exceptions if you live in the country, riding your motocross bike in a crowded neighborhood-revving your motor up and annoying your neighbors-is a despicable habit. Sounds like you deserve to be where you are, Cory…Editor.

PEN PAL

Dear TransWorld Motocross,

I am currently incarcerated for a crime that I did not commit, and my poor Honda CR500R is just sitting there getting dusty without me. My old lady says that she is gonna sell my bike to help pay for next month’s rent, and I told her that if she does that she might not wanna be around when I get out next April.

That said, I was wondering if you guys could hook me up with that Intern Lisa. She is a hot little tamale and she is just the kind of lady that I need waiting for me when I get out. So what do you say? Think Lisa will go for a guy who loves big bore power, maintains his innocence and can even play the drums? Hook a brother up.

Steve Simeone

Chino, CA

Though you are local and stand a good chance of running into Intern Lisa at the gym, the mall or the local Hot Dog on a Stick, I would say that your chances of getting a date with her are slim to none. Intern Lisa says that she doesn’t date guys who ride two-stroke open bikes because she says that they are likely to be “desensitized,” and that when you get out next April, you should plan on beating more than just your drums…Editor.