Hook-Up: Survive The Holidays

This image is about as believable as Santa Claus coming down the chimney. Oh, wait… Sorry kids.

These department store commercials for the holidays are such a farce. You know the kind we are talking about, like the son who moved away coming home in time to brew a pot coffee or the snowy walkways to Grandma’s. They are bullshit because A.)  that kid would have tripped the security alarm his parents put in after they kicked him out for the “pencil shavings” in his sock drawer and B.) global warming means there is no snow anywhere south of Santa’s house.

We all know how most family gatherings go: there are two aunts giving each other the silent treatment, a handful of brats running full-tilt through the house, and one uncle will be parked in front of the TV watching football, swearing to no one in particular. The drive home is no better, because at some point you either said or didn’t say something to your significant other’s Mom and “it’s clear how much you hate her.” Happy Holidays, indeed.

You have weeks of this ahead, so you’d better do it in style and comfort. These things will help.

Fox Racing “Time Code” Sweater
Price: $56.50
Sizes: Small – Extra Large
foxhead.com

The irony of wearing an “ugly sweater” is diluted when an entire group of people does it in one place and then post on Facebook about how hilarious they are. And sadly, that kind of thing has given sweaters a bad name. You can help the sweater reclaim its legacy by wearing this knit from Fox. To make things even better, it’s a 60/40 cotton-poly blend, which means there are no sheep were stripped of their hairs while you ball out in warmth.

Stance “Landon” Socks
Price: $10.00
Sizes: S-M, L-XL
stance.com

To entice subscription renewal, the homeys at TransWorld Skateboarding gave their readers a three-pack of TWS inspired socks made by Stance. Those of you thinking that a three-pack of socks is a stupid gift clearly have never slipped your feet inside the designer goods. The only thing better than pulling on one fresh pair was when all of the free overstock showed up in the warehouse and we went home with arms full. Sadly, the free ride is over and we have to go back to buying them like they rest of you.

SPY Optic “Discord” Sunglasses
Price: $110 – $150
Colors: Six To Choose From (Vintage Tort shown)
spyoptic.com

Due to the high rate of partying that goes down the night before Thanksgiving, it has become a holiday in itself, accurately dubbed “Drunksgiving.” With no presents to wake up early for, you are encouraged to slam the drinks back and sleep in as late as possible. You will, however, need to hide those bleary eyes from the family the next day and that is where these sunnies from SPY come in handy.

Vans Vault Classic “Slipper-On LX” Moccasins
Price: TBA
Sizes: TBA
vault.vans.com

Since seeing these Vans mocs online a few weeks back, we have been on the hunt to get a pair of our own. Limited to only “Vans Vault” retailers, they are rather difficult to find and are bound to sell out. Want some of these for nights by the Yule Log TV channel? You’d better act fast.

Unit “Scratch” Hip Flask
Price: $19.99
unitriders.com

Everyone knows that one older couple who seem destined to fight at any moment but yet never do. The woman constantly nags the man about the short comings of his life, how much she can’t stand his family, that she should have married the guy who went of the service after she rejected his proposal, ect. Do you know how that poor bastard makes it through the day? He has a flask of something special tucked on him at all times. Follow his lead.

Glengoye Malt 10-Year Scotch
Size: 750mL
Price: $49.99
bevmo.com

Gotta fill that flask up with something, right?